Monday, December 21, 2009

Ain't Letting No Fat Guy Steal My Thunder

In our house, Santa's gifts are unwrapped. There are two reasons for this decision. First, the child/ren can see exactly what Santa thought of their behaviour this year. Second, less work for Mama.

Imagine the scenario....

it is Christmas morning! Happy excited child races down the stairs to see what Santa brought. There is a lot of the very same, exact wrapping paper. But there is - within immediate vision - cool and fun things to look at. These are the gifts from Santa. They require no assistance. They don’t need to be unwrapped. They are ready to play with! They pass the time whilst the coffee brews. But how do we justify this?

Santa is unsure about the effect of his increased travels on the time/space continuum and the ozone layer. Due to science, the population has increased exponentially. However, the forces of European colonialism have increased the number of children needing to be served every year. Both Santa and the elves have an unprecedented workload. They are trying their best.....so.....

very, very special children choose to do their part by accepting the "not wrapped mode" of delivery. The elves are grateful that these children are willing to apply decent and respectable labour laws to include them - as non-humans. Therefore, all "unwrapped children" get an extra gift.

Finally, as a home school family, we use Santa as a tool. Santa brings the cool “school supplies.” He brings the pre-packaged science kits, the tanagrams and logic puzzles. He knows who is naughty and nice. He lets children know where they may have “more self-directed and less accomplished” than they could have been that year.

But, let us not forget that the Elves have been pushed to their limit. After hundreds of years of massive technological break throughs, they have to spend all of their vacation time cramming our new technology into their brains. Target can deliver a PSP or a Nintendo DS with ease. An elf who makes this item gave up wandering the dwindling Alaskan tundra and observing frolicking penguins in order to learn new technology....just for your child.

After so many years of playing this game, I’ve grown tired of some fat guy taking the credit for all my hard work. Because, eventually, they discover that Santa isn’t real. They move on. But, somewhere, they never make the connection that their Mama was busting her a$$ to make it wonderful for them.

This Santa does not add to the landfills. This Santa takes her glory and her due. This Santa isn’t hiding behind any man.