Sometimes a mother just needs between 20 and 45 minutes to be all alone. Often, when this time is requested, it doesn’t work out quite the way she wants. To eliminate any objection to having 20 to 45 minutes all alone, resort to
The Hiding In Your Car Stance.
1. Notice some incredibly vital and important item is missing from the house.
2. Announce that all food service, bum wiping services, beverage service or art/science project services must be immediately suspended.
3. Announce loudly, that the world has ended because there is no milk, water colors, broccoli, properly fitted goggles for swimming. You decide.
4. Get your purse.
5. Get your car keys. (Cell phone is at your discretion. Because they will call.)
6. Head towards your car in the mobile variation of “The Yes Position.” (This position combines “The Embrace The Whole World Position” with a slight adjustment to “The Neutral Position.”
7. Shout loudly in a sing song, soothing voice, “I’ll be back before you even know I’m gone. Love you!”
8. Proceed to your car.
9. Get in car.
10. Drive to whatever store you need to procure said item. Procure said item. (Maybe get a mocha if you are truly more than desperate.)
11. Sit in the parking lot drinking your mocha and listening to your favorite radio station. Listen to the whole story. All the way through. With no interruptions.
12. Return home.
13. Announce food service, bum-wiping service, beverage service, room-cleaning service, laundry service has returned because of your massively awesome and spectacular feat.
14. Assume “The Yes Position.” Combine with the “Ebrace The Whole World Position.”
15. Be loved and adored.
16. Restore service in “The Neutral Position.