Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Peeling Away The Irritants - Eagerness Necessarily Counteracts Edification

Patience - this is not my typical type of blog entry.
thanks Karen, Alexis and Michelle for helping me pull this together

Until yesterday, only the most basic necessities were out of boxes. Three weeks ago, the only furniture in our house was a double bed, a dining room table and six very uncomfortable chairs.

Every weekend is another battle in The Great Ikea War.  In this war, the Americans challenge the Swedish Ikea designers for the right to have a sane and organized home.   For three weekends, we have been victorious in minor battles and skirmishes!  It is our sincerest belief that the war can be won. Now - if we could only be successful in getting them to stock the items which we want - we'll really be living!

The crunch came this weekend. I've been scurrying around trying to get ready for Imani's visit.  It has been difficult.  Just because something is in a current catalogue doesn't mean that it is:
A. in stock,
B. was in stock when the catalogue was published or
C. was not discontinued at the time of printing.  

And, no, they don't care whether or not they promoted something to you that was entirely fictional.   And, yes, they are ever so polite when they calmly look into your eyes and say “bugger off” - in ever so more eloquent corporate sanctioned verbiage.

England has such a high slacker rate.   So, I've been amusing myself by
making up acronyms. I have to make sense of this culture. I have to make sense of this world I’m in right now.

I think N.H.S. should really stand for National Hangover Syndrome.  The
country - as a whole - is woefully affected by N.H.S. This disorder is brought on by serious cases of A.S.S. with a side complication of P.L.U.M.S. Aggravated Serf Syndrome with Petty Little Underpaid Minion Syndrome.

A.S.S. / P.L.U.M.S. attempt to medicate their unhappiness with massive quantities of alcohol thereby contributing to N.H.S. which in turn makes everyone even unhappier.

I encounter A.S.S./ P.L.U.M.S. with such frequency that it now has the power to wreck my day. Because, for some reason, I am unable to muster the anger necessary to stick in my thumb and relieve them of their problem.

I think my ignorance of their laws is the root. We Americans are so full of ourselves. We want what we want when we want it. If you tell us we can have something and then have the audacity not to have it, we’ll sue your mo*fo*a** just for giggles.


Tell a mother standing in the freezing rain with a baby that she can’t get on a bus? She’ll put that baby out on the porch the rest of the evening until it gets pneumonia and then sue the bus company for negligence! Yes, we foolish, foolish people have forced corporations to serve us. No, I really mean it.


Take 2 hours to work on thinking about opening a bank account with clients (who have a toddler in their lap.) Then tell them their lease is not sufficient proof of address because the landlord is not a "known entity" to the bank. Then look at the London Electric bill.  That’s good. But - oh dear - London Electric dropped the "jr." from Norman's name.  Therefore, it is not proof of Norman's address. Because the bill is not "in his name." Then tell us to “fix it” and come back in 3 weeks. (When they know durn well that it took 3 months to get our first bill.)

So - I’m sick of people who are suffering from A.S.S. / P.L.U.M.S. But, I don’t know how to sue. But, more importantly - it brings home a lesson my Dad always taught me.

“If this is the one and only way a person feels powerful in their life, well, why not let them experience it. What have you got to lose? Let it roll off your back. Let them have one minute of control over their world. After all, you are privileged enough not to have to behave this way.”

And I find - patience can not be learned in 2 months. This is a good lesson.

Peeling Away The Irritants - Eagerness Necessarily Counteracts Edification

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