Positive Discipline: Dealing With Cheerful Non-Compliance
I could have it a lot worse. I don't even know why I'm complaining. Raging, screaming, kicking tantrums or destruction of property are not for my pacifist son. (Which he has been since he was in-utero - another story.)
Maybe our choice to lift a bit from "positive discipline" and nick a few things from "mindful parenting" combined with our best effort to home educate based upon directed autonomy have helped fostered this attitude...but...now, I'm at a loss.
I'm full to the gills with what I have begun to term "cheerful non-compliance." What do I mean? Here's an example: he doesn't want to be at violin class. So, he cheerfully, co-operatively and with great enthusiasm does every single thing his teacher asks him....wrong. Or he doesn't want to play mancala, but, while setting up the mancala board, his helpful, happy, sweet, gentle hands mix up all the beans until I close the board and put it away. (To his great relief.) There is nothing to discuss. There is nothing to point at and correct. He is four. And he may have forgotten...NOT! (This is a child who can tell you in great detail about an event which happened when he was 2.)
And, like I said, I could have it a lot worse. But, all of this slams the "colour blinds" down around my psyche. Suddenly, I'm hyper-vigiliant about our history and the methods by which Men Of African Descent have ensured our survival. This same "cheerful non-compliance" has served People Of African descent well. His behaviour has historical validity. It's one of the reasons I am so passionate about capoeira being a critical curriculum component. And who am I to correct his ancestors?
His mother - that's who! But, when I call him on his passive resistance, he feels just awful for trying to play me for a fool. And responds by doggedly towing the line....like a beaten puppy. (Which I accept as my due. I recently told my angry daughter how happy I was that she was furious with me because it meant I was doing my job.) And I have shared this idea with him, as well. Sometimes, he won't like what I ask him to do and that's okay. He still has to do it.
But - still - some part of me feels as if I could handle it all in a manner in which he would happily "buy into the agenda."
Is this wishful thinking? I'm open to all ideas about dealing with this.
Maybe our choice to lift a bit from "positive discipline" and nick a few things from "mindful parenting" combined with our best effort to home educate based upon directed autonomy have helped fostered this attitude...but...now, I'm at a loss.
I'm full to the gills with what I have begun to term "cheerful non-compliance." What do I mean? Here's an example: he doesn't want to be at violin class. So, he cheerfully, co-operatively and with great enthusiasm does every single thing his teacher asks him....wrong. Or he doesn't want to play mancala, but, while setting up the mancala board, his helpful, happy, sweet, gentle hands mix up all the beans until I close the board and put it away. (To his great relief.) There is nothing to discuss. There is nothing to point at and correct. He is four. And he may have forgotten...NOT! (This is a child who can tell you in great detail about an event which happened when he was 2.)
And, like I said, I could have it a lot worse. But, all of this slams the "colour blinds" down around my psyche. Suddenly, I'm hyper-vigiliant about our history and the methods by which Men Of African Descent have ensured our survival. This same "cheerful non-compliance" has served People Of African descent well. His behaviour has historical validity. It's one of the reasons I am so passionate about capoeira being a critical curriculum component. And who am I to correct his ancestors?
His mother - that's who! But, when I call him on his passive resistance, he feels just awful for trying to play me for a fool. And responds by doggedly towing the line....like a beaten puppy. (Which I accept as my due. I recently told my angry daughter how happy I was that she was furious with me because it meant I was doing my job.) And I have shared this idea with him, as well. Sometimes, he won't like what I ask him to do and that's okay. He still has to do it.
But - still - some part of me feels as if I could handle it all in a manner in which he would happily "buy into the agenda."
Is this wishful thinking? I'm open to all ideas about dealing with this.
Comments
You taught it to me.
xooo