The Confounded Clergy | The Coma Chronicles

I received a phone call that my daughter had been found in a coma.   So, I went. The hospital was clearly designed by a student of Escher.   I had gone up, down and sideways trying to find my daughter. So, I stopped a White man and White woman wearing badges.  

Me: Could you direct me to the Intensive Care Unit?

They blinked at me. Mouths performing a variation on slack jawed befuddlement. The man snapped out of it.

Man: Oh. The ICU. It’s straight down the hall to the left.

Me: Thank you.

Halfway down the hall, the woman comes puffing up behind me. And I understand clearly why they were so clearly dumbfounded by me.

Woman: I didn’t answer you at first because it took me a minute to understand what you were talking about. The way you said it. In t e n siv e. Care U nit. (repeat) I’ve never heard anything like it before.

Me: (smile and continue walking) Well, I’m glad we figured it out.

Woman: What brings you to the ICU?

Me: My daughter found her way here.

Woman: Oh, so you are meeting her? Who are you visiting?

Me: (stops in my tracks and turns) I am visiting her. (continues walking.)

Woman: Oh. Oh! I’m so sorry. (scurries after me)

Me: Thank you.

Woman: Oh. Oh. I’m okay to talk to. I’m with the Chaplain’s office. 

(flashes her badge. as if. 

that. 

makes any difference. 

to me. 

right now.)

Woman: Oh, I just love the way you say things!  What brought her in?

Me: Most likely a car. And as I understand it, a man.

We reach the In t e n siv e. Care U nit.  She flashes her badge.  It opens the door.  

Woman: Well, God bless!  

Me: (smile and nod.)

I see my daughter. As I’m leaving, the Woman catches up to me picking my way up, down and sideways through the maze which is this hospital.

Woman: How is your daughter?

Me: She is in a coma.

Woman: Oh dear. You must be beside yourself! Oh, how awful! Do you know why she is in a coma?

Me: A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Woman: Oh. Dear. How tragic. What kind of events? 

Me: The Mercedes bends. A lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends.

Woman: Do you think you’ll recover? If it’s all right with you, I’ll pray for her.

Me: Prayer is always a good thing. 

Woman: Are you Christian?

Me: Jesus Is Just Alright With Me.

Woman: Oh. Okay, good. I have to ask. Because I wouldn’t want to offend anyone. I’m Christian. But, not everybody is Christian.

Me: That is the truth.

Woman: Oh, I feel so bad for you. You are such a powerful woman. I can feel the faith radiating off of you. Everything is going to be all right.

Me: Well, I try not to get worried. I try not to turn onto problems that upset me. But. Oh. Everything’s all right, yes, everything’s fine. If we try, we’ll get by. 

Woman: Oh. You are amazing. Okay, well, if it’s all right for you. I’ll pray for her.  I can go in her room and pray for her. I’ll just let them know that you said it was okay.

Me: It will be more than okay. If she ever needed a Come To Jesus Moment, it is right now. 

Me: (unspoken) Knowing her, all that Jesus up in her face is sure to scare the Devil right out of her. & I wondered. Will this Confounded Clergy Woman ever get any of this later?