Wednesday, September 22, 2004

The Family Bed & Justifying Lunacy

The “Sex Talk,” Honesty, Einstein, Whiskey and Philosophy

My firstborn and I began having “The Talk” early. We began with simple biology. A woman makes an egg, the man makes sperm, those two get together and a baby is made. Pure and simple. Straightforward and easy. Wipe the brow, get a glass of wine and sit smugly for three years.

It took that long for my daughter to ruminate on the mechanics of HOW. “How does a man’s sperm meet a woman’s egg and become a baby?” She asks this at a dinner party. She asks this as if to challenge and say, “Okay...Miss Cool Cool Honest Smartie Pants, prove how liberated and suave you are.” And in that 6 or 7 year old sweetness, I had to prove it.

So, I began with in vitro insemination. I followed up with artificial insemination. Then I capped the whole explanation with a giggle-shrug bold-faced statement of...”Well, “ I roll my eyes as if she couldn’t possibly believe this, “ you know honey, some people prefer to do it the old fashioned way, the man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina and releases the sperm which swim up into the womb and meet the egg there and it is fertilized and a baby is made.”

And she falls on the floor laughing hysterically. And then says, “You didn’t do it that way, did you?” And because at that point in my life I was a lesbian, I could answer quite honestly that, “No, in fact I did not.” It seemed to be a great relief. And that was that.

Take a shower. Have a double shot of whiskey. Wipe the brow. And wait nervously until next time.

The next time took a long time. Maybe six years. This was a blessing, here was the opportunity to discuss theory. I made theory and philosophy my very best friend.

I have this opinion, that we are all connected. I hold this peculiar notion that energy is transferred between the people we name friend, lover, comrade or foe and solidified into an aetheric body. And with an oversimplified, pseudo-Einstein-like philosophy - which blanketly accepts that energy can neither be created nor destroyed - I believe that we carry pieces of each other’s souls from now until the termination of our existence on this here agreed upon time-space place.. Thus, in the give and take of forging this sharing of auras or energy... which comes from good dinners, great conversations, whiskey drinking, and sharing a bar of chocolate ...a new entity is created. This is the body of the energy we have invested in each other.

This body has a life of its own. It lives on its own esoteric plane of existence somewhere next door to our shared reality and twelve neighborhoods to the south of Creator’s Place. This body can be injured, maimed, mutilated, or even murdered. So, when we begin to contemplate casual sex, we have to ask ourselves, “Am I willing to invest this universally mega amount of huge energy in this person?” AND “Am I willing to carry this kind stranger-friend from this life to the next and on into eternity?” The most common answer is: “No!!!!! That’s sheer lunacy!!! I can barely take care of myself!!!” And in consideration of the that aetheric body of hyphenated names - do I really want to create something that I will eventually destroy?

No, no sane body wants to murder, maim or mutilate any other body - real or aetheric. And therein lay the answer to why my infant, husband and I are all in the bed together every night, letting the baby boy kick us in the face, belly or suckling perma-latched all of our sleeping hours. We want to create a sane and healthy aetheric body.

We want this entity which is the manifestation of our souls combined to grow strong and healthy. We want to re-create the same bond I made with the firstborn. This time around we want it to be even stronger. (The first marriage came 2 years after the firstborn’s birth and the union resulted in booting the firstborn out of the family bed.) We want the aetheric body of this relationship to be nourished.

My firstborn seems to have heard my “weird ramblings.” She has an innate tendency towards long term relationships. And she is uncomfortably honest about her choices regarding partners. (For all of her teen years, there have been a grand total of 2 serious contenders + the 1 who was symptom of distress from which she quickly extricated herself.) Given the adolescent ability to fall in an out of love-bed every three days - I feel we’ve got a solid track record here. And when and if she is in a relationship which involves intimacy - she does not sleep in the same bed with the person at night. Why?

Because as I told her once, "When we sleep we let down our guard. This is the time when we are most vulnerable. Our auras swirl and shift and merge most easily then because we are unable to erect the barriers we place between ourselves and others in our waking state.

And I don't think she believes this lunacy. But, she’s not taking any chances.

If nothing else, it is a great argument for the family bed.

For in our most vulnerable weakness, our greatest strength is nourished and fed. Our resting time is the moment when families are armored to withstand the onslaught of our chaotic crazy culture. The aetheric body nourished by our dreaming sleeping souls are cast of steel... maybe something stronger.

We’ve been honest about our beliefs. We practice them. Science says it is so...sort of. What have we got to lose? Except sleep and the flagrant whimsies of whiskey.

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