The Ear On The Heart With Deep Rumble Hum Stance

(Or Go The Fuck To Sleep Already)

Staying At The Laptop Variation 1

Best achieved with under 8 year.olds

1. As child calls out that they will not be sleeping, remain seated in front of your machine. Call out, “Come, dear.”

2. As child approaches, close eyes.

2. Deep breathe.

3. Open eyes upon exhale.

4. Enter The Neutral Stance.

5. Open arms in what dancers call “Second position.”

6. Invite the child into your Circle Of Quiet.

7. Keep one hand on the keyboard, the other will gently and loving place the child’s head over the sternum.

8.Deep breath in.

9. Low vocalization on the exhale. “Hmmmmm. Or Shhhhhh” work very nicely.

10. Repeat whilst typing one handed.

11. Repeat approximately 15 times. Then, kiss the child’s forehead.

12. Whisper, “I love you and off you go. Meet you in the Dream Time.”

13. Gently re-direct the child’s body out of your Circle Of Quiet and in the right direction towards bed.

14. Say, “I need you to go make a fun place for us when I join you the Dream Time!

15. Maintain contact with machine whilst assuming “The Yes Position” and nodding while the child walks away.

16. Say, "Shhhh, surprise me! Love you! Meet you soon!"

17. Nod and smile as the child walks away.