Mom-Fu #7 - The “Fetal Ball Of Woe Position” Variation 1 - Silent

It has already been established that you have precisely 5 − 10 minutes to feel deeply and profoundly sorry for yourself everyday. This is your basic right as a mother. Every morning, when your feet touch the floor, you breathe in this practice. Let go. And then assume “The Neutral Position.” But(!!!!!),

whatever should we do with the other 1,430 minutes of that day which are not spent sleeping, caring for others or pretending to achieve our life goals?

That is why the “Fetal Ball Of Woe Position” is every mother’s salvation. The importance of this position has been undermined by alcohol, pot, and/or any other drug a Mother might choose to simply get through her day. You don’t need these things!

Let’s face it. You can’t be a grown woman with no sorrows, unless you grew up in a cult. (And even then, you have a whole different set of woes.) We al have our deep sorrows, regrets, angers and stabby feelings.

The “Fetal Ball Of Woe Position” is a vitally important self-care nightly (or daily) ritual. It channels the chi or spirit or energy or soul into being able to be honest in all of the other position you will need everyday.

My preferred location is my bed. But, this position can be practiced anywhere you can reasonably expect 10 minutes of privacy. Set your timer for 10 to 15 minutes.

The “Fetal Ball Of Woe Position”

1. Lay down.

2. Bring knees to chest. (Or as close as you can get them.)

3. Fold arms in to the body. Elbows to diaphragm. Wrists to neck.

4. Open hands cover your face.

5. Breathe in deeply…all the way down to your diaphragm.

6. Hold the breath until it feels as if your rib cage will shatter.

7. Release the breath as slowly as you can. (It is perfect if you can get a panting rhythm going.)

8. Repeat.

9. After 10 repetitions, a “sobbing sensation” should occur. (Silent tears streaming down your cheeks are an awesome indication you have performed this correctly.)

10. Allow your Personal Injury Movie to play. (This is a stream of recollections involving anyone who has ever hurt your feelings, injured you or left you with an unmet need. ) Allow it to flow through your brain.

11. Pant them out.

12. Continue until the timer goes off.

13. Get a tissue. Clean your face off. (Lipstick is always a nice touch.)

14. Sleep. Or paint or compose. Or just do what needs to be done… like the dishes or laundry.

Side Note: Sex is always delightful after Step 13 because it leaves the practitioner in a open, receptive state which invites the nurturing and care of others. (Limited exclusively to people practicing Pop-Fu, and/or and other sensitive partner types. Yes, this has a hetero-normative bias….my apologies. I’ll try to work on that with your help.)